1
00:00:16,181 --> 00:00:18,083
♪ love and marriage ♪

2
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:21,385
♪ love and marriage ♪

3
00:00:21,386 --> 00:00:24,756
♪ go together like
a horse and carriage ♪

4
00:00:24,757 --> 00:00:28,927
♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪

5
00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:30,829
♪ you can't have one ♪

6
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:33,364
♪ without the other ♪

7
00:00:33,365 --> 00:00:35,466
♪ love and marriage ♪

8
00:00:35,467 --> 00:00:38,770
♪ love and marriage ♪

9
00:00:38,771 --> 00:00:42,807
♪ it's an institute
you can't disparage ♪

10
00:00:42,808 --> 00:00:46,544
♪ ask the local gentry ♪

11
00:00:46,545 --> 00:00:51,249
♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪

12
00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:56,287
♪ try, try, try
to separate them ♪

13
00:00:56,288 --> 00:00:59,557
♪ it's an illusion ♪

14
00:00:59,558 --> 00:01:02,260
♪ try, try, try ♪

15
00:01:02,261 --> 00:01:08,066
♪ and you will only come
to this conclusion ♪

16
00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:10,468
♪ love and marriage ♪

17
00:01:15,708 --> 00:01:18,543
Narrator: <i>Last week</i>
<i>on</i> married with children...

18
00:01:18,544 --> 00:01:21,546
I saw one of those
in college once.

19
00:01:21,547 --> 00:01:24,049
I used to jog
behind her for hours.

20
00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:27,052
I ran a marathon once
and didn't even know it.

21
00:01:27,053 --> 00:01:29,788
<i>The girls</i>
<i>caught the guys ogling,</i>

22
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:32,791
<i>And figured</i>
<i>what's good for the gander</i>

23
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:35,226
<i>Is good for the goose.</i>

24
00:01:35,227 --> 00:01:37,662
Peggy! This is
a strip joint!

25
00:01:37,663 --> 00:01:38,663
Oh, really?

26
00:01:38,664 --> 00:01:40,165
Gee, I didn't know.

27
00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:42,667
You know, I've passed
by dozens of times,

28
00:01:42,668 --> 00:01:45,503
But I've never
actually been in.

29
00:01:45,504 --> 00:01:49,240
Oh, hi, mrs. Bundy.

30
00:01:49,241 --> 00:01:53,444
<i>At first, marcie didn't</i>
<i>think she'd like it, but...</i>

31
00:01:53,445 --> 00:01:55,213
It's always
the quiet ones.

32
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:01,052
Peggy, I've lost
my wedding ring

33
00:02:01,053 --> 00:02:02,687
Down zorro's pants!

34
00:02:02,688 --> 00:02:06,224
<i>And now</i>
married with children
<i>continues...</i>

35
00:02:06,225 --> 00:02:08,292
All right, ladies,
let's hear it!

36
00:02:08,293 --> 00:02:10,028
That was zorro!

37
00:02:10,029 --> 00:02:13,198
He's got my ring.
What are going to do?

38
00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:14,999
Uh... Treasure hunt!

39
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:20,004
Hold it right there, ladies.

40
00:02:20,005 --> 00:02:21,973
Listen, we've got
to get backstage.

41
00:02:21,974 --> 00:02:26,510
We've got to get something
out of zorro's pants.

42
00:02:26,511 --> 00:02:28,780
That old story again,
mrs. Bundy.

43
00:02:28,781 --> 00:02:30,215
But this is
an emergency.

44
00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:31,382
Yeah, right.

45
00:02:31,383 --> 00:02:33,384
Look, lady,
we used to let women backstage

46
00:02:33,385 --> 00:02:34,719
Until the big riot.

47
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,721
Now nobody's
allowed back there.

48
00:02:36,722 --> 00:02:41,126
We call it
"the bundy rule."

49
00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:42,627
It's my wedding ring.

50
00:02:42,628 --> 00:02:44,863
I want it back,
or I'll see you in court.

51
00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:46,364
I don't think so.

52
00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:48,166
You see,
"troy's is not responsible

53
00:02:48,167 --> 00:02:51,669
For valuables lost
in any part of a dancer."

54
00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:54,939
Once again,
"the bundy rule."

55
00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:57,675
What are we
going to do?

56
00:02:57,676 --> 00:03:00,779
I know! I'll write
zorro a note.

57
00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,781
That's it!
He'll read it,

58
00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:05,784
He'll find my ring,
bring it over tomorrow,

59
00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:08,887
Steve will answer
the door, kill me...

60
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:10,388
No, that won't work.

61
00:03:10,389 --> 00:03:12,390
I'll write a note,
but I'll give him

62
00:03:12,391 --> 00:03:15,393
Your phone number
and address--

63
00:03:15,394 --> 00:03:17,195
That is,
if you don't mind.

64
00:03:17,196 --> 00:03:18,196
Sure, I don't mind,

65
00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:19,697
As long as he comes over

66
00:03:19,698 --> 00:03:23,168
Before what's-his-name
gets home from work.

67
00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:29,941
Ooh!

68
00:03:29,942 --> 00:03:31,142
Oh, thanks, peggy.

69
00:03:31,143 --> 00:03:34,979
You really are
the very best friend I've got.

70
00:03:39,985 --> 00:03:45,489
Women: Share! Share!
Share! Share!

71
00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:08,947
Al...

72
00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:12,450
Wake up, honey.
It's... That time.

73
00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:20,591
Al...

74
00:04:20,592 --> 00:04:23,895
Aah!

75
00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:26,731
Oh, good. You're up.

76
00:04:26,732 --> 00:04:29,433
Are you in
the mood, honey?

77
00:04:29,434 --> 00:04:32,871
Oh, no.

78
00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:35,273
Oh, yes.
But first...

79
00:04:44,149 --> 00:04:45,483
Peggy: <i>Yee-haw!</i>

80
00:04:57,562 --> 00:04:59,030
♪ I've got spurs ♪

81
00:04:59,031 --> 00:05:03,902
♪ that jingle jangle jingle ♪

82
00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:09,007
Mom, was there a little
earthquake here last night?

83
00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:13,378
Because the walls were shaking
and I heard dad screaming.

84
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:16,281
Well, he scares easily.

85
00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:17,782
I slept through it.

86
00:05:17,783 --> 00:05:20,718
Must have been
a short one.

87
00:05:20,719 --> 00:05:25,556
Several short ones.

88
00:05:25,557 --> 00:05:28,393
Are you ready
for grandma's, kids?

89
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:30,395
You got
your room deodorizers?

90
00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:31,695
Yes, mom.
Yes, mom.

91
00:05:31,696 --> 00:05:34,432
Toilet seat covers?

92
00:05:34,433 --> 00:05:35,733
Yes, mom.
Yes, mom.

93
00:05:35,734 --> 00:05:38,536
Flea and tick spray?

94
00:05:38,537 --> 00:05:39,637
Yes, mom.
Yes, mom.

95
00:05:39,638 --> 00:05:41,505
Well, then you're ready.

96
00:05:41,506 --> 00:05:42,506
[horn honks]

97
00:05:42,507 --> 00:05:44,008
Oh, there's your taxi.

98
00:05:44,009 --> 00:05:46,710
Please, mom.
Don't do this!

99
00:05:46,711 --> 00:05:49,347
Bud, honey,
be strong.

100
00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:52,350
I'll see you in a couple
of days.

101
00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:55,553
We love you, mom.

102
00:05:55,554 --> 00:05:58,957
But not today.

103
00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:00,458
Oh, and kids, remember!

104
00:06:00,459 --> 00:06:01,960
When you say hello,

105
00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:04,429
Grandpa is the one
with the hair.

106
00:06:06,565 --> 00:06:08,066
Any sign of zorro?

107
00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:14,439
No, but I think I slept with
speedy gonzalez last night.

108
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,341
Steve is going to go crazy.

109
00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:18,309
My wedding ring's
gone forever.

110
00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:19,810
Oh, marcie, calm down.

111
00:06:19,811 --> 00:06:22,580
Men don't notice
things like that.

112
00:06:22,581 --> 00:06:24,082
Not steven.

113
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:25,583
He notices everything.

114
00:06:25,584 --> 00:06:28,786
Do you know what we do
in bed sometimes?

115
00:06:28,787 --> 00:06:30,855
Yeah, bud tells us.

116
00:06:34,593 --> 00:06:35,626
Oh.

117
00:06:35,627 --> 00:06:37,128
Well, anyway,

118
00:06:37,129 --> 00:06:39,530
Steve and I lie in bed,

119
00:06:39,531 --> 00:06:42,533
Put our ring fingers
together.

120
00:06:42,534 --> 00:06:45,036
We stare at
our wedding bands,

121
00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:47,538
Then kiss.

122
00:06:47,539 --> 00:06:49,540
So bud made that up

123
00:06:49,541 --> 00:06:50,808
About little bo peep
and the cop?

124
00:06:55,747 --> 00:06:59,050
Yes, he did.

125
00:06:59,051 --> 00:07:00,551
Oh, what's the difference?

126
00:07:00,552 --> 00:07:05,456
Steve will never
pull me over again!

127
00:07:05,457 --> 00:07:09,494
How can I tell him
I lost my wedding ring?

128
00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:11,462
It's an irreplaceable symbol
of our love everlasting.

129
00:07:11,463 --> 00:07:13,498
Buy a cheap copy.

130
00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:16,200
Yeah!

131
00:07:16,201 --> 00:07:19,370
<i>♪ I am woman</i>
<i>wife and mother ♪</i>

132
00:07:19,371 --> 00:07:22,740
<i>♪ I earn money</i>
<i>like no other ♪</i>

133
00:07:22,741 --> 00:07:25,809
<i>♪ I give him back rubs</i>
<i>do his laundry ♪</i>

134
00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:30,448
<i>♪ and have dinner on the table</i>
<i>when he's hungry ♪</i>

135
00:07:31,850 --> 00:07:34,618
<i>Impossible dream pantyhose...</i>

136
00:07:34,619 --> 00:07:36,654
<i>For the self-deluded.</i>

137
00:07:36,655 --> 00:07:39,524
[doorbell chimes]

138
00:07:46,365 --> 00:07:47,765
How you doing?

139
00:07:47,766 --> 00:07:51,135
I'm sorry, kelly's
at her grandmother's.

140
00:07:51,136 --> 00:07:52,836
Actually, I'm looking
for marcie rhoades.

141
00:07:52,837 --> 00:07:55,306
She live here?

142
00:07:55,307 --> 00:07:56,807
Practically.

143
00:07:56,808 --> 00:07:59,377
Who wants to know?

144
00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:00,878
I'm raul.

145
00:08:00,879 --> 00:08:02,480
You know, zorro.

146
00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:07,385
Yeah, I'm al.
You know, suspicious.

147
00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:08,886
Al? Al bundy?

148
00:08:08,887 --> 00:08:10,888
You're married
to big red,

149
00:08:10,889 --> 00:08:13,891
The rich woman
with the sharp nails?

150
00:08:13,892 --> 00:08:15,393
Who are you?

151
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:17,995
I'm an exotic dancer
at troy's.

152
00:08:17,996 --> 00:08:18,996
Gee, that's great.

153
00:08:18,997 --> 00:08:20,465
Listen, I'd invite you in,
but instead,

154
00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:24,168
I'll just kick
the crap out of you.

155
00:08:24,169 --> 00:08:25,836
Oh, then perhaps
I'll just deliver

156
00:08:25,837 --> 00:08:27,171
My message and run.

157
00:08:27,172 --> 00:08:29,173
Your wife's friend,
mrs. Rhoades,

158
00:08:29,174 --> 00:08:31,675
The one we call
"the tentacle,"

159
00:08:31,676 --> 00:08:33,744
She lost her wedding
ring down my pants

160
00:08:33,745 --> 00:08:35,679
During the show last night,

161
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:38,216
And I'm just
dropping it off to her.

162
00:08:43,688 --> 00:08:44,722
Come in.

163
00:08:52,564 --> 00:08:54,665
Raul, is it?

164
00:08:54,666 --> 00:08:57,268
Well, actually,
it's wilbur.

165
00:08:57,269 --> 00:08:58,569
But I think I'm
too good-looking

166
00:08:58,570 --> 00:08:59,770
To be a wilbur.

167
00:08:59,771 --> 00:09:01,272
Yeah, you betcha.

168
00:09:01,273 --> 00:09:03,274
Listen, exactly
what was marcie doing

169
00:09:03,275 --> 00:09:06,344
When she lost
her ring down your, uh...

170
00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:08,078
Underpants, was it?

171
00:09:08,079 --> 00:09:09,580
Yeah. She was tipping me.

172
00:09:09,581 --> 00:09:12,816
Could you see to it
that she gets this ring?

173
00:09:12,817 --> 00:09:15,353
As much as you believe
you're too good-looking

174
00:09:15,354 --> 00:09:17,455
To be a wilbur,
believe she'll get it.

175
00:09:17,456 --> 00:09:18,956
Thanks, mr. Bundy.

176
00:09:18,957 --> 00:09:20,391
Thank you, raul.

177
00:09:20,392 --> 00:09:22,593
Oh, by the way, if my wife
should happen to lose

178
00:09:22,594 --> 00:09:23,628
Anything down your pants,

179
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,829
So will you.

180
00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:31,402
<i>Hasta luego,</i>
mr. Bundy.

181
00:09:31,403 --> 00:09:32,570
Right back at you.

182
00:09:36,875 --> 00:09:40,044
"to our everlasting love.
Steven."

183
00:09:40,045 --> 00:09:41,546
[doorbell chimes]

184
00:09:41,547 --> 00:09:45,383
Gee, I hope that's steve.

185
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:46,884
Hi, steve.

186
00:09:46,885 --> 00:09:49,387
Hi, al. Who's the guy
in the black porsche?

187
00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:50,888
Santa claus.

188
00:09:50,889 --> 00:09:52,390
Come on in.

189
00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:53,757
So steve,
how's marcie doing?

190
00:09:53,758 --> 00:09:56,527
Is she still mad
at you, buddy?

191
00:09:56,528 --> 00:09:58,062
Oh, I don't know.

192
00:09:58,063 --> 00:10:00,064
She said she forgave me,

193
00:10:00,065 --> 00:10:02,066
But I could tell
she was still tense.

194
00:10:02,067 --> 00:10:04,802
She just sat there
with her hands in her pockets,

195
00:10:04,803 --> 00:10:06,070
Staring at the floor.

196
00:10:06,071 --> 00:10:08,138
I feel like dirt, al.

197
00:10:08,139 --> 00:10:12,243
We'll get back to that later.

198
00:10:12,244 --> 00:10:15,680
But first, let me tell you
something about women.

199
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:17,715
Uh-oh.

200
00:10:17,716 --> 00:10:19,016
See, women love us

201
00:10:19,017 --> 00:10:21,385
To look at them
like slabs of beef.

202
00:10:21,386 --> 00:10:24,322
You think they wear
those tight-fitting clothes

203
00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:26,324
Just so some other
broad can say,

204
00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:30,060
"gee, your hips
look succulent"?

205
00:10:30,061 --> 00:10:31,195
I mean, some do,

206
00:10:31,196 --> 00:10:32,196
But they become
gym teachers,

207
00:10:32,197 --> 00:10:34,898
And I'm talking
about women.

208
00:10:37,669 --> 00:10:39,370
I mean, let's
face it, steve,

209
00:10:39,371 --> 00:10:41,539
Until they get married,
they care how they look.

210
00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:42,806
But what else do they have?

211
00:10:42,807 --> 00:10:47,044
Brains? Wit? Ech.
Forget it.

212
00:10:47,045 --> 00:10:48,613
The good-looking ones
know we're looking.

213
00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:49,880
They love us
to be looking,

214
00:10:49,881 --> 00:10:51,282
And god bless them,

215
00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:55,419
They're carrying
the rest of their sex.

216
00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:59,323
Al, I'm an educated man.

217
00:10:59,324 --> 00:11:01,225
Don't you think
I know all that?

218
00:11:01,226 --> 00:11:02,893
It's just that
I feel so guilty.

219
00:11:02,894 --> 00:11:05,062
Every time I look
at marcie's face,

220
00:11:05,063 --> 00:11:07,898
All I can see
is that girl's hiney.

221
00:11:07,899 --> 00:11:09,199
It's wrong, al.

222
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,669
I feel unworthy
of someone like marcie.

223
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:14,405
Yeah. She is
a special person.

224
00:11:14,406 --> 00:11:17,408
By the way,
here's her wedding ring

225
00:11:17,409 --> 00:11:20,411
That she lost down
some guy's jock

226
00:11:20,412 --> 00:11:21,945
At a strip club
last night.

227
00:11:26,418 --> 00:11:30,488
Anyway, how do you like
those bears this year?

228
00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:32,290
Oh, wait a second, al.

229
00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:33,424
What's this about

230
00:11:33,425 --> 00:11:35,393
Marcie losing
her wedding ring?

231
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:36,894
Oh, yeah, yeah, here.

232
00:11:36,895 --> 00:11:39,897
Yeah, I got it
from the guy

233
00:11:39,898 --> 00:11:44,134
Whose underpants
they were wedged in,

234
00:11:44,135 --> 00:11:46,136
But I wouldn't worry
about it, steve.

235
00:11:46,137 --> 00:11:47,605
He's just some stripper
named zorro,

236
00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:49,106
And I'm sure
it was nothing--

237
00:11:49,107 --> 00:11:50,508
You know, no affair
that was important

238
00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:51,742
Or anything like that.

239
00:11:51,743 --> 00:11:53,143
In fact,
knowing marcie as I do,

240
00:11:53,144 --> 00:11:55,646
She probably lost it
with dignity

241
00:11:55,647 --> 00:11:58,382
Because as we all know,

242
00:11:58,383 --> 00:12:05,423
We're dirt
and she's evolved.

243
00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:07,224
I can't believe it.
My wife's wedding ring.

244
00:12:07,225 --> 00:12:09,393
Steve, if I thought
you were going to be upset,

245
00:12:09,394 --> 00:12:12,363
I never would've told you.

246
00:12:16,901 --> 00:12:19,903
What I'm giving you
there is a present.

247
00:12:19,904 --> 00:12:22,406
See, that's more
than a wedding ring.

248
00:12:22,407 --> 00:12:24,575
What you have there
is what I like to call

249
00:12:24,576 --> 00:12:25,909
A get-out-of-jail
free card.

250
00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,411
See, you can hold it,

251
00:12:27,412 --> 00:12:30,514
Save it,
use it for anything.

252
00:12:30,515 --> 00:12:32,015
She's got all this,

253
00:12:32,016 --> 00:12:37,355
And she goes
to a strip joint?

254
00:12:37,356 --> 00:12:40,358
Hey, you could've knocked me
over with a feather.

255
00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:42,360
But getting back
to something more important--

256
00:12:42,361 --> 00:12:44,862
How do we make her pay?

257
00:12:44,863 --> 00:12:46,364
I got it.

258
00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:48,131
The next time she holds
one of those

259
00:12:48,132 --> 00:12:49,867
Women's group meetings
over at her house,

260
00:12:49,868 --> 00:12:51,101
You stroll in, you say,

261
00:12:51,102 --> 00:12:53,871
"hey, eight women in the house
and I got dirty dishes?"

262
00:12:53,872 --> 00:12:57,375
Let them get mad,
pat the ring in your pocket,

263
00:12:57,376 --> 00:13:02,380
Make the mark
of the "z."

264
00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:06,049
Al, I am going
to have a stepford wife.

265
00:13:06,050 --> 00:13:07,551
Attaboy!

266
00:13:07,552 --> 00:13:10,220
Do me one favor.

267
00:13:10,221 --> 00:13:13,223
When you strip away
every ounce of humanity,

268
00:13:13,224 --> 00:13:15,726
Every shred of pride
she has,

269
00:13:15,727 --> 00:13:19,229
Just when she's bending down
to kiss your feet,

270
00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:21,732
Tell her
you got the ring...

271
00:13:21,733 --> 00:13:23,267
From al bundy.

272
00:13:32,343 --> 00:13:36,847
Hey, I've done a good thing.

273
00:13:36,848 --> 00:13:39,016
I deserve a reward.

274
00:13:39,017 --> 00:13:42,953
<i>And now, ladies,</i>
<i>the shoe salesman!</i>

275
00:14:29,534 --> 00:14:31,435
[gargling]

276
00:15:02,534 --> 00:15:06,036
Hi, honey.
I was just going to tuck you in.

277
00:15:06,037 --> 00:15:08,472
Well, go ahead.

278
00:15:08,473 --> 00:15:11,008
I don't feel
like it anymore.

279
00:15:11,009 --> 00:15:17,014
Sit down,
sweetie puss.

280
00:15:17,015 --> 00:15:19,016
Honey...

281
00:15:19,017 --> 00:15:22,520
What's troy's?

282
00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:24,021
Uh, well, uh...

283
00:15:24,022 --> 00:15:27,525
You know, it's this place
where I go with the girls,

284
00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:31,461
And we sit and swap recipes
and talk about the kids.

285
00:15:31,462 --> 00:15:34,331
And put dollar bills
down guys' underpants.

286
00:15:34,332 --> 00:15:36,834
Well, that too.
I'm going to turn in.

287
00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:38,936
It's a funny thing, peg,
but the other day,

288
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:40,804
I went to pay
the repairman,

289
00:15:40,805 --> 00:15:42,406
And when I looked
for my money--

290
00:15:42,407 --> 00:15:44,408
Darned if every cent
wasn't gone.

291
00:15:44,409 --> 00:15:48,478
Oh, those kids!

292
00:15:48,479 --> 00:15:50,681
All right, peg.

293
00:15:50,682 --> 00:15:54,217
Just how much of my money
has found its way

294
00:15:54,218 --> 00:15:57,087
Into the crotches
of dancing, oily men?

295
00:15:57,088 --> 00:15:59,089
How would I know, al?

296
00:15:59,090 --> 00:16:01,725
I don't count it,
I just shove it in.

297
00:16:04,495 --> 00:16:05,996
Well, that's that, then.

298
00:16:05,997 --> 00:16:08,498
Oh, uh, big red...

299
00:16:08,499 --> 00:16:12,002
You know,
I've been thinking.

300
00:16:12,003 --> 00:16:14,004
Remember
about a month ago,

301
00:16:14,005 --> 00:16:20,010
One night you came back
from swapping recipes...

302
00:16:20,011 --> 00:16:22,012
Strangely,
how could I say,

303
00:16:22,013 --> 00:16:28,018
Horny as a toad.

304
00:16:28,019 --> 00:16:31,021
That day I gave you
some money

305
00:16:31,022 --> 00:16:34,024
To have the brakes
on my car fixed.

306
00:16:34,025 --> 00:16:40,030
Do I have any brakes
on my car, peg?

307
00:16:40,031 --> 00:16:41,431
No, al.

308
00:16:43,534 --> 00:16:45,035
And remember you told me

309
00:16:45,036 --> 00:16:48,038
That the kids needed money
for a school project?

310
00:16:48,039 --> 00:16:50,774
We don't really sponsor
a korean family, do we, peg?

311
00:16:54,045 --> 00:16:55,946
No, al.

312
00:16:55,947 --> 00:16:57,547
And kelly's
contact lenses?

313
00:16:57,548 --> 00:16:59,049
Uh...

314
00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:02,052
So the big frost
didn't really drive up

315
00:17:02,053 --> 00:17:03,553
The price of tang?

316
00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:07,057
But we still do have
the bundy funeral plot?

317
00:17:07,058 --> 00:17:10,060
Um...

318
00:17:10,061 --> 00:17:12,562
Well, how about
the kids, peg?

319
00:17:12,563 --> 00:17:15,565
Did they really go
to your mother's house,

320
00:17:15,566 --> 00:17:18,335
Or do they belong
to arabs now?

321
00:17:20,071 --> 00:17:21,571
That really hurts, al.

322
00:17:21,572 --> 00:17:24,074
I can't believe
you don't trust me.

323
00:17:24,075 --> 00:17:25,575
Okay, peg.

324
00:17:25,576 --> 00:17:29,079
From now on, I want your
shopping receipts notarized.

325
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:33,083
From now on, I check eyes,
teeth, vet bills, school books.

326
00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:35,218
Oh, and you know
our joint checking account?

327
00:17:35,219 --> 00:17:37,420
I want to know
what bank it's in.

328
00:17:41,592 --> 00:17:43,994
Well, in my defense, al,

329
00:17:43,995 --> 00:17:46,930
These are superb men.

330
00:17:46,931 --> 00:17:48,498
Don't push it, peg.

331
00:17:48,499 --> 00:17:50,000
Now, I'm going to bed.

332
00:17:50,001 --> 00:17:53,503
I don't want you ever
going to troy's again.

333
00:17:53,504 --> 00:17:56,707
From now on, you
and troy's are history.

334
00:18:04,515 --> 00:18:07,384
Good night, al.

335
00:18:13,524 --> 00:18:14,524
Al--

336
00:18:14,525 --> 00:18:16,393
No!

337
00:18:25,536 --> 00:18:28,872
♪ da da da
da da dum ♪

338
00:18:28,873 --> 00:18:32,042
♪ da da ta ta ♪

339
00:18:32,043 --> 00:18:35,045
♪ dum dum dum ♪

340
00:18:35,046 --> 00:18:37,715
♪ dum dum dum ♪

341
00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:42,485
♪ dum ♪

342
00:18:42,486 --> 00:18:47,758
Al, your breakfast
is almost ready.

343
00:18:51,495 --> 00:18:53,597
Hey, is everybody happy?

344
00:18:53,598 --> 00:18:57,000
Oh, yes, yes, yes!

345
00:18:57,001 --> 00:18:58,501
Oh, god, yes!

346
00:18:58,502 --> 00:18:59,937
What a dad!

347
00:19:14,518 --> 00:19:17,387
I don't want you thinking
about troy's, either.

348
00:19:21,025 --> 00:19:22,392
Yes, dear.

349
00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:32,369
No, marcie,

350
00:19:32,370 --> 00:19:34,537
I don't think the floor
is clean enough.

351
00:19:34,538 --> 00:19:38,041
Wash it again...
With your hair.

352
00:19:38,042 --> 00:19:39,910
Marcie:
Steve, I'm home.

353
00:19:48,019 --> 00:19:49,019
Hi.

354
00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:51,021
Hi. Where have
you been?

355
00:19:51,022 --> 00:19:52,522
Out shopping with peg.

356
00:19:52,523 --> 00:19:55,525
Gee, that's
the second night in a row

357
00:19:55,526 --> 00:19:56,726
You've been out
with peggy.

358
00:19:56,727 --> 00:19:58,862
Oh, well, I guess
you're a good example for her.

359
00:19:58,863 --> 00:20:02,532
Hmm? Oh, well,
I try to be.

360
00:20:02,533 --> 00:20:04,168
You know, steve, I think

361
00:20:04,169 --> 00:20:07,037
I've been too hard on you
these past two days.

362
00:20:07,038 --> 00:20:08,538
Oh?

363
00:20:08,539 --> 00:20:10,040
Yes. I mean,
there's nothing wrong

364
00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:12,542
With looking at
another human being

365
00:20:12,543 --> 00:20:14,044
And appreciating
their form.

366
00:20:14,045 --> 00:20:15,545
Oh?

367
00:20:15,546 --> 00:20:18,548
Yes. I mean, I was wrong
to yell at you

368
00:20:18,549 --> 00:20:20,550
For looking
at that girl.

369
00:20:20,551 --> 00:20:22,052
So you forgive me?

370
00:20:22,053 --> 00:20:23,553
That's big of you.

371
00:20:23,554 --> 00:20:26,023
Oh, steven...

372
00:20:26,024 --> 00:20:27,590
You're the most
wonderful husband

373
00:20:27,591 --> 00:20:29,026
In the world.

374
00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:30,393
I'm the one

375
00:20:30,394 --> 00:20:32,029
Who should
apologize to you.

376
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:33,396
There's nothing wrong

377
00:20:33,397 --> 00:20:35,032
With a little
physical attraction.

378
00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:36,166
After all, that's

379
00:20:36,167 --> 00:20:38,468
What first attracted
me to you.

380
00:20:38,469 --> 00:20:39,870
Well, I guess I am
sort of

381
00:20:39,871 --> 00:20:43,974
The whole
ball of wax.

382
00:20:43,975 --> 00:20:48,979
I remember the first
time I saw you,

383
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:53,483
Running that marathon.

384
00:20:53,484 --> 00:20:54,985
Your arms were tense,

385
00:20:54,986 --> 00:20:56,987
Your chest was heaving.

386
00:20:56,988 --> 00:20:59,489
There were tears
in your eyes,

387
00:20:59,490 --> 00:21:01,992
But still
you tried to catch

388
00:21:01,993 --> 00:21:03,994
That woman in the lead.

389
00:21:03,995 --> 00:21:05,996
I love you, steve.

390
00:21:05,997 --> 00:21:07,998
Do you forgive me?

391
00:21:07,999 --> 00:21:10,000
Of course I do.

392
00:21:10,001 --> 00:21:12,502
Oh! Um...
This came for you.

393
00:21:12,503 --> 00:21:16,006
Somebody dropped
it off at al's.

394
00:21:16,007 --> 00:21:17,941
What is it?

395
00:21:22,513 --> 00:21:24,014
I don't know.

396
00:21:24,015 --> 00:21:25,949
It was for you.

397
00:21:36,694 --> 00:21:38,561
Marcie:
All right!

398
00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:46,403
[toilet flushes]

399
00:21:49,407 --> 00:21:51,541
So what was it?

400
00:21:51,542 --> 00:21:54,511
Oh... Coupons.

401
00:21:54,512 --> 00:21:56,013
From peg.

402
00:21:56,014 --> 00:21:58,015
So I tore them up in little bits

403
00:21:58,016 --> 00:22:00,017
And flushed them
down the toilet.

404
00:22:00,018 --> 00:22:01,518
I love you, steve.

405
00:22:04,022 --> 00:22:05,923
I love you, marcie.

406
00:22:25,109 --> 00:22:28,979
So you lost your ring
down zorro's pants, huh?

407
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:44,194
[♪]


